Goooo Giants

I've been in bed shaking for the last week.

About a week ago the giants were in the middle of two close playoff races. They had to play the best baseball of the whole season if they had any serious aspirations of making the playoffs and beating teams much better staffed and coached than them. So what did they do? They promptly lost four in a row (including a series to the Rockies). I then said to myself "the season is all but over UNLESS they sweep the brewers, win the arizona series, and suicide bomb the dodgers, winning the rivalry once and for all!" History will show, in situations like this, the season is almost always all but over. They had to play the best baseball of the season and they literally played their worst. Not only did they convince me they don't deserve to ever be in the playoffs this year, but they also convinced me that anyone who likes the Giants are losers (and i LOVE people who like the giants!).

Here's the specifics: The starting pitching is pathetic and the bullpen is doing a shitty impression of the starting pitching. The team is old, and if they were winning, their age wouldn't matter, but they AREN'T winning so it obviously does. Pedro Feliz being a free swinger isn't the end of a team, but a Pedro Feliz at first, third and catcher is. Randy Winn is both the best and worst basketball player in baseball since Michael Jordan. And Mike Stanton is our closer.

SO, as far as i'm concerned the season is over. You can only be a barely .500 team all season if you make a ridiculous run at the end (see the national league playoff picture). Infact, the WHOLE point of being .500 at september is to finish strong. The giants missed the WHOLE point and it's so frustrating!

I've been up for 5 months straight and it's time to get some sleep. I'll wake up again for the winter meetings (bring home Terry Mulholland!). Tampabay giants.com has a lot of growing up in the mean time and i'll do my best to deny that until the last minute and then throw something stupid together.

good night,
Brad

Fun With Colours

Next year, the Diamondbacks are changing colors from purple and ...ummm... green with copper(?) to tan and red. Sounds like a plan. It'll be nice to avoid nausea-inducing jerseys for 14 games. I have no idea what the D'Backs brass was thinking. Rap stars don't wear White Sox gear (thus promoting the product) because they're A.J. Pierzynski fans. They wear the stuff because it looks badass. (Relevant note: I am wearing a White Sox starter jacket to work today (I'm a HUGE A.J. fan), and my coworker saw the badass 'Sox' logo on the back and said 'Hey, I'm from Boston!'. I glared into her soul for a second and walked away) (Obviously kidding about A.J. Then why do I wear it? It looks completely badass, no doubt). Anyway, I doubt even Phoenixians wear those grape home caps. Actually, the entire state of Arizona is kind of backwards in fashion sense. We go to Scottsdale for spring training and it's like stepping into 1986. As for other atrocious jerseys, the next step? Colorado Rockies. Sure there's the "purple mountains majesties" factor, but I've seen those things. They're brown. Some are black. Ooh, idea! Rockies should change every instance of purple in their team color scheme to brown. Now that the Padres have pretty much abandoned 'burnt turd', it's time for Colorado to pick up the slack. I guarantee within a month you'll see Lil Wayne and/or Young Jeezy "rocking" Rockies gear on MTVizzle. Finally, as the last remaining purple team, the Devil Rays should change their colors to blue and yellow and turn Tropicana into an Ikea. They'd make a lot more money that way, and I'd it'd be a blast to see Delmon throwing microwaves at everyone.

Barter Time

OK. So with the rainout yesterday, the only way it will be made up is if the Giants are 1/2 game up/down for the wild card or division, OR if the Cardinals are tied for the best record and need a win for home field advantage. So, Felipe needs to bust out his Blackberry and get Larussa on the line and say "Hey, buddyman. I'm Dominican, you're probably Dominican, let's talk. If you guys need a win, and we don't, you'll get it. And, if we need a win, and you don't, let los gigantes taste that sugar." To which the much more savvy La Russa will reply "The diamond eagle burns at midnight", meaning that he agrees and that, in these hypothetical situations, his starting pitcher will be Eckstein, as long as Felipe's is Thomas de La Rosa.

Armanblown Saveitez

Armando Benitez is out for the season. And he might be hurt for next year. What is going on? He's had problems with both knees, arm problems, arthritis problems, hamstring problems, and blaming-blown-saves-on-Omar-Vizquel's-defense problems during his stint in orange and black. Luckily for Omar, it looks like Benitez will be out of the league by the time Vizquel's next book comes out. Anyway I wonder how much of Mando's $7 mil we'd have to eat to trade him for a ham sandwich or so. That trade would involve a lot of eating. Gosh I wonder how much we'd have to pay to trade Benitez for a guy like Chad Cordero one for one. Fifteen, twenty million? That would be a ridiculous trade. Steinbrenner could pull it off, no doubt. But yeah this is a huge predicament for next year, probably bigger than re-signing Schmidt. Between Lowry, Cain, Hennessey, Correia, Morris, Sanchez and ya BOYEEEE Tim Lincecum, we have some viable options for the rotation if, god forbid, Schmiddtty signs elsewhere. Speaking of god forbid, that omnipotent wildchild in the sky sure as hell better keep Jamie Wright off the team next year. I was a big fan of Wright when we signed him, but then he turned out to be trash, so now I hate him. Simple guess-and-check logic. Anyway, the "viable option" situation is not the case in the bullpen. I rrreally don't think we should put much into Mike Stanton. Homeboy is old and fat. Three straight bad outings and I say we send him to Fasseroville. I still have faith in Munter's sinker and Taschner's left handedness, and Brian Wilson has shown signs of nasty, but on the whole, the place is still in development stages. I personally don't know why Sanchez isn't consider closer material. That fastball is super ridiculoso. His other pitches aren't developed yet, and he's been using them extremely sparingly, which doesn't usually lead to many successful starts. Can I get an amen!

Rules: Made to be Broken

*Awkward Pause* Well to change the subject....If there's one rule in baseball you could change, what would it be? DH is excluded. I'm asking to find a good answer, because I can't really think of one. As a Bonds fan, I'd like to the intentional walk be eliminated, as it is the most boring play in baseball, even slightly more boring than its sneaky cousin, the unintentional intentional walk. IBB's are just a technicality, but UIBB's have a chance of a location mistake, making it technically worth watching. How would this be enforced? Good question, Tina. Maybe something karazee, like an "extreme ball zone". But, as I eluded to before, I haven't really thought of any good ideas. From a statistical standpoint, the save should be retired. No other stat effects the game more. Managers often use their bullpen in accordance with the official save rule, which leads to laziness and ineffectivity on the part of the skipper. An obnoxious example of how this stat changes things took place during Gagne's streak, when he would get put into games where there were an out or two in the ninth, a four run lead, and a runner on. Eliezer Alfonzo could save 84 straight if he were only put in for these situations. Hell, Edgardo could even do it. Actually maybe not Edgardo.

Old People Pee They Pants Like Moises

Moises Alou is one of the few players who I would want to watch years after he stops producing. On the field he 's the angriest man n the world. His chewing tobacco pouch, or 'face', always looks to be on the brink of a Bartmanesque meltdown. He storms around the outfield so clunkily that Randy Winn doesn't even bother backing him up on balls hit to right, for fear of being trampled by the mighty Domincan. Watching this forty year old timebomb dive for balls makes me want to call Information for the number to the local hospital, just in case. "It's the only way I know how to play". Badass. Plus, he uses his own urine as batting gloves. And he's lived in America most his life, was born in Atlanta, and can barely speak English. I wouldn't be surprised if he can barely speak Spanish as well. The icing on the cake has got to be his dnosaur step he takes before his at-bats, where he plays Godzilla and the grass plays fleeing Japanese. I have never heard an explanation for this senseless manuever. I bet it's one of things I won't understand until I'm older. Anyway, I sure hope he doesn't retire anytime soon. Yeah, he's injury prone, but he's productive when healthy, which is a thousand times better than slumping all year but playing every day (no offense, Randy).(as in, "you've provided no offense, Randy").(Winn). The bigger issue is that he's tied at the hip to the Cream of Wheat factory known as Felipe. Maybe Daddy Alou will fall and break that hip, releasing Mo from captivity.

Brooks Kieschnick

So Woody Williams comes in and gets three hits against Matt Morris. Kruk mentioned how, in college. Williams started one game a week on the mound and played shortstop the rest of the time. I've always thought someone should do this in the majors. Maybe Fred Lewis will. I don't see why a player can't be both, if he has the skillz. If you recall a couple years back, former outfielder Brooks Kieschnick pitched out of the Brewers' bullpen for a few seasons. In 2003 he hit seven homers as a reliever (plus a few dozen pinch-hits). He was tearing the hay off of the ball, but he didn't get starts in the outfield, instead was kept in the 'pen til the late innings. I guess the theory is "pitchers are pitchers, and hitters are hitters". Or maybe the theory is "Jose Canseco tore his rotator cuff pitching for novelty's sake". Well, you heard it here first: Rick Ankiel will red-shirt with the Giants next year as an outfielder, barely make the team and only because of his guts, start hitting immediately, but then one day a starting pitcher will break his "ankiel" and Rick will have to make an emergency relief appearance, striking out twelve in three innings (he has control issues). Now, he'll gain his poise back on the mound and become our fifth starter AND rightfielder, winning 308 games with a 3.08 ERA and a .308 average and 308 homeruns over the next 15 years. It should be sweet.

Playoffs

If the playoffs started tomorrow, I'm not sure who would be my third starter after Cain and Schidt<--ha! Lowry has pitched better on the season than Morris, but neither of them has shown long lasting consistency. I don't put much into the theory that veteran pitchers are better in the playoffs than young players. I'd bet it's statistically insignificant. Players are excited/nervous for every start. Still, I might give Morris the nod, and let him pitch with a very tight leash. Three earned in the second? Pull 'em. Bases loaded nobody out, ever? Warm someone up. However, if his big curve is as nasty as the scum under Moises' lower lip, he could make some quality starts. Most importantly, I really would like to see Lowry coming out of the 'pen. After a few innings of fastballs, I bet the opposing lineup would have a tough time with Lowry's changeup.

The reinforcements are here!

Since the call up Jason Ellison and Lance Niekro are a combined 3 for 6 with two doubles and a run. Take THAT anybody without complete and utter faith in the giants farm system! "What about Fred Lewis?" you ask. How about 1 for 1 with an RBI. I've done some projections based on his major leauge numbers so far and figured out that in a full season with 450 at bats he would set new single season major league records batting 1.000 with 450 rbis. That's still no Darren Lewis, but it's a start.

Also, Hillenbrand- Bonds- Durham- Alou is the probably best 3-4-5-6 since Mays- Mccovey- Cepeda- Mays Jr. Someone better start carving the Hall of Fame plaque for the SHEA hey kid!

rookie of week!

this may be controversial but if you really think about it didn't Jonathon Sanchez throw MORE of a no-hitter than Annibal Sanchez?

-brad

Another career year for Randy Winn

Everytime i'm about to write something about what the giants should do next year, they win a series against the reds and i'm forced to keep thinking about this year. The fact of the matter is that except for a lack of a closer, we don't have a real weakness (relative to the national leauge) except for inconsitancy and underachievment. FACT: If Shea Hillenbrand had been hitting 300 since his arrival, the giants would have already clinched the west and bene eliminated by the marlins in the NLDS.

A team's future success should be predicted by their expected performances, and i believe that up and down the lineup (baring injuries) reasonable expectations would prove the giants to be a playoffs caliber team (in the nl west). However, except for New Alfonzo, Durham and Vizquel, the rest of the lineup is anywhere from 10 to 40 points below their career averages (as well as other production stats). I did some math recently and determined that a team with no closer can only survive on Ray Durhams 23 homerun season for 5 months and 1 week. Obviously time is running out. Playoffs depend on the players who are underachieving the most: Bonds, Hillenbrand, and Winn. If two of those guys have great Septembers I won't have to think about next year for years.

Speaking of which, the padres lineup looks like it's made out of sticks and mud (sticks being old losers and mud being young unproven losers). Although, to be fair I guess our lineup is basically stronger sticks and older, more disapointing mud.

-brad

Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money

Finding a good pic of Prince Valium from spaceballs is probably a bit difficult, but there's no excuse for the lack of a better Bronson shot

Big Surprise

Hey, look who has the most homers on the Giants? Hint: he also has an OPS over 1.000. Double hint: his 14.0 at bats per home run lead the league amongst players whose "at bats per home run" divides without a remainder. It's BA-rry BO-nds (pronounced a la "FLA-vor FLA-ve")! And all these bandwagoneers thought Bonds wouldn't do anything this year. Which brings me to the first TBG self-reference. Please check out " Favorite Giant" for more information about this underrated, left for dead player who literally came out of left field, slowly and with much caution. Can anyone say "comeback player of the year"?

Because if you can, and you can also say "Hmmm, Bonds might actually be a candidate for the", you should put the two together, and congratulate yourself on the completion of a valid point.